we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
