i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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