haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
