ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
