I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So many bounce houses so little time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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