the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
