This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
