the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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