i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
