I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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