Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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