She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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