I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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