love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
