My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay pat passed out under dana's car
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
