I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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