OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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