Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
