gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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