I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
