I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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