YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
