YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
