By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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