you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
