how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize