he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize