Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
