Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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