My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
