She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize