you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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