those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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