Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
