he puts the penis in happiness.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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