sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
