He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
