SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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