So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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