According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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