Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
