I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
