took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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