she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i barfeds in our rink
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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