One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
