Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
