Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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