I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
