what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
