just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
