turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
