Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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