farters have to be the big spoon...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
smell my finger.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
