It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
