She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize