a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
