i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize