Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
