I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
