I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
