He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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