she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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