We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
