i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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