if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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