OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
