He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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