id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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