I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize