i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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